Tortuga: a former pirate island off the Haitian coast. From Pirates of the Caribbean to Great A'Tuin from Terry Pratchett’s ‘Discworld’ fantasy novels, turtles in one form or another inspire our stories and mythologies. However, turtles are not (yet) fantasy animals. A fascinating creature that can live up to a hundred years, at least if we believe Finding Nemo (and multiple scientific studies). A cute reptile that munches on a cherry tomato or an edit of a Taylor Swift song. Turtles are also part of the internet’s mythos, but how much longer can their shields protect them?